The Letter
by Sparkle Itamashii
Summary: I wanted to help you so badly but you never took my hand. You never took anyone’s hand. And then you disappeared. [1x2, 1xR][NAOI BASE]


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Author: Sparkle Itamashii 

Title: The Letter

Warnings: Respect the rating. Please see my profile for details.

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing AC is NOT MINE.

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**The Letter

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**

_I used to wonder if you were still out there. I'd wonder if you ever took a moment to think about me, to remember all of your past or if you simply let it fade into oblivion. Did you start over once the war was finished? Did you find a home and settle down or did you yourself just fade? I used to wonder if you'd come back._

_ I used to wonder if you ever really existed at all._

_ Sometimes I'd think you hadn't._

_ Sometimes I wish you hadn't._

_ But I know better._

_ I know you existed and as long as I know that I won't be able to forget you like you have probably forgotten me. I still have scars, Heero. Claw marks torn at the edges of my back in the middle of the night. No matter how much I want to forget you, do you think I can while I know you've left a part of yourself with me?_

_ You were always rough at night, like you were trying to get away from something, trying to lose yourself in a feeling to escape all else. And I let you. I let you be rough and painful and raw around the edges. I let you hurt me because I didn't have anything else to offer you; there was nothing else I could do to make anything easier. Death was everywhere anyways, so what was a little more pain?_

_ That pain wasn't why I stayed, you know. I stayed because of what happened at the end, on the edge of the night before dawn broke our worlds apart again. I stayed because afterwards you would curl up and I would curl around you and neither of us would move for hours. I could always feel you shivering then but I knew it wasn't from any cold. You were scared. Not of anything external… no, you were scared of yourself; of something inside your head that I could never hope to touch. But I did hope. Every night I held you, every night I heard you faintly whispering "I'm sorry" over and over again, I hoped. I wanted to help you so badly but you never took my hand._

_You never took anyone's hand._

_And then you disappeared._

_ You came here, once before that. I'll never forget the last time I saw you. It was the day after Relena picked up the pieces of the world and started to put them back together. I know you tailed her, watching to make sure she was all right. If I didn't know better I'd say you loved her… but you've never loved anyone. Not in any conventional way, anyhow. I was surprised you even came here after seeing her. Honestly I didn't expect you to care enough to find me._

_ Don't get me wrong; I was thrilled when I saw you get out of that ratty old car. I'd been sitting on the doorstep, thinking about how I didn't think I would ever get to see everyone again. Quatre, Wu Fei, Trowa… you. I thought I'd lost everyone again, but it didn't seem so bad that way. At least everyone was alive still. Hilde had even come to live with me._

_ I didn't tell you that when you came up the front walk and stopped in front of me, coat thrown over your shoulder like you weren't planning on staying. I didn't say anything; I couldn't. I guess you didn't say anything either, though. All you had to do was brush your fingers over my hair, run them over my cheek and I followed you into my own house. It was surreal the way I watched you that day, drinking in every single motion, every gesture as if it would be the last I ever saw of you._

_ Because somehow I knew it would be._

_ I knew when you left my house that it would be the last time I ever had to watch you walk away from me. It would be the last time I had to say goodbye, the last time I had to keep myself from running after you before you disappeared. Every time I imagined that eventual scene in my head, I had imagined that it would hurt. I'd imagined that it would feel like someone was tearing at my chest or slowly strangling the life from me._

_But it wasn't like that._

_It was empty._

_When you left that day I watched you walk down the drive to your car and I might as well have been watching a stranger. We had been through so much together. We'd pulled each other out of Death's maw more than a few times only to go dashing back the next time it was asked of us. What had been asked of us was far more than any person should ever be asked to endure but we did it anyway. I did it all with a smile even while the regret was a fresh wound inside me because I'd thought perhaps once it was all over I would have a reason to smile. I'd thought maybe you would stay._

_Somewhere along the line, I guess I'd realized you would never stay. Not with me, and maybe that is why it didn't hurt quite as badly as it should have. It wasn't new. When you left it was only what had been expected, somewhere inside of me._

_This is different, though. I never expected this._

_I didn't expect you to come back again._

_It was so… funny when Hilde handed me the letter. Funny in that laugh-before-you-cry sort of way. I stood in the kitchen and opened the letter and read it through, although I suspect I didn't get much from it the first time. I read it a second and a third time and began to understand. That didn't mean it hurt any less when I fished the photograph of you and Relena out of the envelope._

_I couldn't believe you were getting married._

_Though I guess I shouldn't be surprised. She always was good at hunting you down no matter where you'd gone. Not even a trip to __Antarctica__ could lose her. She was so persistent that you would laugh sometimes… but I should have seen it coming. I should have seen the way your eyes hollowed out when you smiled. The way your voice sounded so much sadder than your words every time you spoke fondly of her… If I'd been watching you a little more closely I would have noticed how much you liked her._

_I understood what you hadn't written, as well. I didn't show Hilde the second picture you sent. You know- the one with the two of us sitting just outside the docking bay with our foreheads resting together and our hands twined up. It was right after we'd finished the last battle with White Fang and all the others. Quatre gave each of us a copy. I didn't think you'd kept yours._

_Seems like you did._

_Seems like you didn't want to anymore._

_Ah, but I know you better than that, don't I? There are words across the back of the photograph that say quite clearly "property of Heero Yuy." You're too careful to have left that on the back; if you were surrendering the picture to me you'd have crossed it out, wouldn't you… You don't want me to keep the picture; you want it back and you want me to give it to you. Well, here it is._

_I'm returning a copy of that photograph to you… but it isn't your copy. Now you've got something of mine and I've got something of yours. If you lose it you'll be in trouble because it's not yours. I'll come to the wedding, but you won't see me. You'll get this letter, but I won't give it to you._

_You wanted goodbye once before, Heero, and I don't know if I can do it again._

_So this is goodbye, for the last time._

_Duo Maxwell_

Heero carefully folded the letter and placed it back into the envelope before leaning back in his chair. Beside him, Relena laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, which he covered with his own. Letting out a deep sigh, he shook his head and closed his eyes. He didn't know what else to do.

"Well…?" Relena asked tentatively, not wanting to break the silence but knowing better than to let Heero brood.

"That's it."

"Are you okay?"

He smiled, kissing her cheek as he rose. "It's better this way."

She watched him exit the study to return to the oblivious party happening on the first floor of the manor. With a quiet sigh she reached over and gently picked up the envelope and the picture that Heero had left on the desk. She ran her eyes over the dark forms, the clasped hands and just-touching foreheads before turning the photo over to see the back. Her throat closed when she read what was written there.

Scrawled across the back side were the words "The future is yours."

The "y" had been written in much later than the rest.

"Thank you, Duo," she whispered as she set the letter and the photograph on the desk with a sad expression. "More than you will ever know." With one last final glance at the two, she followed Heero's trail as she had always done.

/**End The Letter**/

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End file.
